My Job Descriptions

I was reading The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. today and I came across something that reminded me of jobs I have had.
"It was a marvelous engine for doing violence to the spirit of thousands of laws without actually running afoul of so much as a city ordinance." "...just imagine if you had a whole office building jammed to the rafters with industrial bureaucrats-men who lose things and use the wrong forms and create new forms and demand everything in quintuplicate, and who understand perhaps a third of what is said to them; who habitually give misleading answers in order to gain time in which to think, who make decisions only when forced to, and who then cover their tracks; who make perfectly honest mistakes in addition and subtraction, who call meetings whenever they feel lonely, who write memos whenever they feel unloved; men who never throw anything away unless they think it could get them fired. A single industrial bureaucrat, if he is sufficiently vital and nervous, should be able to create a ton of meaningless papers a year for the Bureau of Internal Revenue to examine. In the Magnum Opus Building, we will have thousands of them! And you and I can have the top two stories, and you can go on keeping track of what's really going on the way you do now."

You Are Beer!

You don't need to get totally wasted when you hit the bars. More of a social drinker, you just like to have fun with your friends. And as long as the beer keeps flowing, you're a happy camper. But don't mix things up: "Beer Before Liquor, Never Been Sicker!"

What Alcoholic Drink Are You?

This is probably the most acurate test I have ever recieved a score for...

Ouch...

Impersonal rejections suck. Of course a personalized one would have been crappy too. "We took a vote and decided, well, you suck..." At least with the impersonal thing I can blame some sort of mechanical failure (something was late, or soemthing like that). I am, at this time, comforted by visions of Dr. Proteous and an antiquated computer spitting cards at random from its slashed casing. While on the subject of rejections, I had this one guy write me that he "was sorry to refuse my offer" because he felt it "unethical to carry on tandem negotiations" and closed saying that he hoped to introduce me to his "samurai code"... Yikes!

Arrrrrgh

I need a vacation from the perfect job, and that's just stupid. I get to wake up "whenever I want" so long as I work my ass off. I work from home, but that means I never leave the house. I get out exactly once a day to go to the gym, but I come right home after. I get to go to Scotland for business, but I paid for the trip and will be working most of the time on things I don't know how to do (frightening). I have gone on long road trips every month, but I work weekends. I make my own todo list, but only because failure means that everything is my fault, really, like there is nobody else to lean on, I am the big man and everybody else is "under me" but I have no experiance and no guide. But other than that, lifes great!

I have been reading Kurt Vonnegut's Player Piano. I sort of wish I were in R&R. No worries for advancment, no responsibilities, smart guys and machines taking care of me, a purposeless job that I am perfectly suited to? Oh MAN where do I sign up ffor that shit?

I'm no sociologist, and I'm probably totally wrong, but is it possible that this whole American Dream of advancement through hard work is bunk? I mean I'd much rather have the system take care of my every need. I would totally show up pissed for work everyday and not give a shit. Who cares? I'd sweep the streets, who needs to be sober for that? It's not like I have a wife and kids at home waiting for me (or ever wil the way things are going). I'd listen to "edgy" music mass produced by the man and be all "riled up at the system keeping me down" but never do jack about it.

Granted the brewmasters woudl have to be kickass, and the coffee roasters (greyfriars in Chattanooga, TN rocks). But I bet machines could do most of that.

How about The King of Nodland and his Dwarf? Great short story from the 1800's. I mean, unless you want a meaning from it. If you just read it as an add for Nodland, what's not to like? Totally conquare some other nation and make them your slaves (heroism = affirmation) and then kick it for a few years until its time to do it again. Pastorialism has had its day, and its great in theory, but if you have every had to "toil the land" for your bread, you know that it sucks. Give me saw-dust filled Wonderbread with some PB&J anyday.

I already read only the popular stuff anyway, and people always talk about the "10 books to read before you die" so what would be wrong with some publishing house putting together a book making machine (I think Greene wrote a short story about this) that makes books which will sell well? I think that's a great idea, nobody really reads things that are "different" anyway. How many books does one have to be able to sell to get one published anyway? I mean really...

And Theatre has already been replaced by Film which was in turn replaced by T.V. You can figure out any of THOSE plots in about 5 min. Not to mention the fact that they just have the same people in them again and again. Replace them with robots and nobody would know the difference. We don't really care anyway. I mean sure they try to push a social agenda, but who cares? Most of the agenda's pushed have already been adopted by the majority of the audiance anyway.

Music? Seriously. Just look at the guys up for Grammy's this year. I'm not saying I don't like it, by no means! I'm just saying that a Justin Timberlake could be the creation of a studio and some sound engineers. And think about it, say you like Radio Head right? Instead of having to listen to a bunch of wannabes, you could just have your tastes input in a digital key card. They analyze what you like, and that's all you listen to all the time! Turn on your car, it's whats on the radio! Plug your headphones into your computer, its whats on your hard drive! Plus it could be like radio, you wouldn't have to pick the stuff you like, it would be picked for you!

I may sound a little sarcastic right about now, but this could be a totally good thing. I dunno, I just don't think "man" has a whole hell of a lot of " drive" or "independance" or "virtue" or any of that crap anymore. I love studying the people who drove men to revolt, I love the sound of their words, the way they twisted people to better ends, and I just think we've lost that. I mean I know more about people who will never influence my life than I do about those that make daily decisions that guide the legitimacy of all I do! Would a little danger really be a bad thing?

I was reading some essays by George Orwell the other day. The guy left his home, his country, and went to some other place to fight against a "power" that could never actually reach his own safe home because he had principles. Where could I go to do something like that? What about my manifest destiny? I want to move to some barran wasteland and displace the populace to benefit the nation! It's not that different from what I was saying above, a destiny picked by people outside my sphere of control. Some mechanism sending me to do its duty. Awesome, sign me up!

I'll be free of current obligations within a year, and then what? I intend to bum around. No matter what I do or where I go I intend to be a bum. Make enough to survive and observe.

Seriously, why would I try to join the rest of the grown ups? I have no responsibilities except for the ones I accept (don't worry X, I accept the ones for my current job). But really, who do I have to take care of (except millions on wellfare)?

I had a most wonderful time once. I took off for a day and tried to find the Appian Way. I don't think I really found it, but I did find some old bombed out mechanics shop, and a tin village. I walked for hours until I came to some aquaducts. I don't remember which emporer built them, but I didn't really care. The lawn was a mottled brown and green, and stretched out to a little town nestled in the crook of a mountains protective feet. The sinew-ous range wasn't as important as the blue and white sky behind them. I was tired and could go no further, but I didn't care. I had a goal for the day, and I had done as much to reach it in my limited intelect as I cared to attempt, so I went home and had a bottle of wine and some fresh pasta with sea salt. What goal could I ever accomplish that would be better than that? I did what I came to do, as best as I was able, and it hurt no one, achive or fail. I know this one girl who wants to go on to law school. She looks like an attorney and an attorney's wife. She'll make a ton of money someday, and be very powerful, but she'll have a lot of responsibilities. Probably a kid or two, and at least one ex-husband. I feel kind of sorry for her right now. I mean I wish I weren't so hiddious that girls make up signs and wonders from God in order to get away from me, but I don't really have any huge things to accomplish unless I want to accomplish them. Big goal for me? Go back to a little Italian villa I visited once and enjoy hiking there again. Watch the sunset over Venice again. Hit-up Australia for bit. But who really loses out if I don't?

So pretty much I want a huge travel budget with no employer. Or hell, I'll work at some dead-end job that pays enough for me to bum around the world whever I get the chance. I don't really need to hit up the expensive disco's, I'll just hang out at the cheapest hostles and buy a bottle of wine when I can. I don't actually like people that much. They always want to interact, or put restrictions on you. Saddle you with responsibility, and then I'd get all uppity and egotistical.

I better go to bed.